Let go, Let Jesus
Let go, let Jesus. It sounds simple. We should all do it if we trust and believe in the Lord but do we? I can speak for myself and readily acknowledge that it is a daily battle. My pride and ego surface regularly and push the Lord aside.
My father is visiting us now. We have a truly full house with Tsengel, myself, the three kids, my father-in-law, my Dad and Carolina Girl-his Boston Terrier. My Dad has frontotemporal dementia and is has progressed to the point where he can no longer live by himself even with daily visits by caregivers. He is staying with us for a month and will return to Massachusetts to an assisted living home close to my sister.
I would love desperately for this to all go away but I also know that the Lord will be glorified in this time. It has pushed me harder than usual into a full and daily acceptance of my weakness versus the greatness of the Lord. Before we flew back to California together we had a tough incident at the local drug store. Dad has a compulsion to buy things he does not need like sunglasses, of which he has a dozen, and also cough drops which he will substitute for food. I kept him from buying both items at the Hopkinton Drug on that day but not without incident. If it had been my son wanting candy or toy I would not have been bruised by it. But it was my Dad and the reversal in roles and the disease and what it leads him to do is a menace for those caring for him. He was angry with me. He gave me the silent treatment which actually dates back to his healthy days. It is my most despised form of punishment. I'll gladly take a beating over silence.
After eating supper, we drove home to his apartment. I took the long way home through the woods to avoid passing the drug store again. I had my sister's Sirius/XM on the praise station and can't recall any of the songs but I did feel an awesome lifting of the pressure and anxiety that I was experiencing. I knew clearly that I could not handle this. Thankfully I knew that Jesus could and would handle it for me. It is an awesome daily gift of grace that allows us to do what we need to do and do it for the glory of God.
I had one other moment with my Dad that I will share. We were watching Encore Westerns, his preferred channel, and a fellow with James Stewart shot down a lady in cold blood. I reacted in horror and Dad recoiled as well. After the scene he wanted to pray. His language is severely limited now and a great deal of what he says is not understood by me and others. His prayer was simple and direct,
Thank you Jesus. Thank you Father.
He is before all things, and by Him all things are held together. He is also the head of the body, the church; He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, so that He might come to have first place in everything. (Colossians 1:17-18)I believe those words yet so often fail to let Him do his job of holding all things together. Frustrations, anxieties and the daily grind end up pushed in front of Him and instead of behind Him. I have felt the sweet comfort of relying on His strength and power but I am still in training to make it a daily habit.
My father is visiting us now. We have a truly full house with Tsengel, myself, the three kids, my father-in-law, my Dad and Carolina Girl-his Boston Terrier. My Dad has frontotemporal dementia and is has progressed to the point where he can no longer live by himself even with daily visits by caregivers. He is staying with us for a month and will return to Massachusetts to an assisted living home close to my sister.
I would love desperately for this to all go away but I also know that the Lord will be glorified in this time. It has pushed me harder than usual into a full and daily acceptance of my weakness versus the greatness of the Lord. Before we flew back to California together we had a tough incident at the local drug store. Dad has a compulsion to buy things he does not need like sunglasses, of which he has a dozen, and also cough drops which he will substitute for food. I kept him from buying both items at the Hopkinton Drug on that day but not without incident. If it had been my son wanting candy or toy I would not have been bruised by it. But it was my Dad and the reversal in roles and the disease and what it leads him to do is a menace for those caring for him. He was angry with me. He gave me the silent treatment which actually dates back to his healthy days. It is my most despised form of punishment. I'll gladly take a beating over silence.
After eating supper, we drove home to his apartment. I took the long way home through the woods to avoid passing the drug store again. I had my sister's Sirius/XM on the praise station and can't recall any of the songs but I did feel an awesome lifting of the pressure and anxiety that I was experiencing. I knew clearly that I could not handle this. Thankfully I knew that Jesus could and would handle it for me. It is an awesome daily gift of grace that allows us to do what we need to do and do it for the glory of God.
I had one other moment with my Dad that I will share. We were watching Encore Westerns, his preferred channel, and a fellow with James Stewart shot down a lady in cold blood. I reacted in horror and Dad recoiled as well. After the scene he wanted to pray. His language is severely limited now and a great deal of what he says is not understood by me and others. His prayer was simple and direct,
Thank you Father, Thank you Father, Thank you Father.It is certainly a prayer that all believers can pray daily and when times get tough in caring for Dad or the family, I am training myself to start by praying, Thank you Father.
And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him. (Colossians 3:17)
Thank you Jesus. Thank you Father.
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